The Republic of Awesome

Happy New Years blah blah blah all that bullshit about new year, new decade, new hope, new love etc. Alright? Ok? Great, done with the compulsory sappy parts.

I mean, come on people – it’s an arbitrary point in the Earth’s orbit. And not a very accurate one at that – it’s always off by 1/4 of a day which we have to make up for every leap year.

Add to that the fact that December is meant to be the 10th month (decimal, decagon, decade… notice how it all refers to 10?). This is from the Latin number names from which the months are named – ‘septem’ is 7, ‘octo’ is 8, ‘novem’ is 9 and ‘decem’ is 10.

Question: Why is the 5th month not named Pentober?
Answer: Cos Al Qaeda will fucking blow it up.

But I guess the New Years are useful in that they force people to reflect on their lives.

Time to realise that you’re a big unattractive loser. Here’s a tissue, go cry in one corner.

When you’re done come back and make some goddamn resolutions!

Here’s a good resolution to make:

No, I’m not asking you to own a chain of Japanese kopitiams.

Go out there in the year of 2010 and kiss a ten!

You’re going to ask, ‘what’s a ten?’, following which I conclude you’re either female or gay.

This is a ten.

What’s that? You’re a largely unattractive loser?

Fine. Aim lower and kiss a five!

*Can’t find pictures of a five – no problem, just look around you; five is about average*

But! Don’t kiss a five knowing you could’ve kissed a ten – you’ll never be happy. Lesson learnt from life - it’s a true story.

Now go on and get fucking drunk tonight. Good bye =)