The Republic of Awesome

First of all, let me ask myself, am I even able to comment on this issue?

No. Having a girlfriend in fashion design school doesn’t not lend me an iota of credibility.

However, as I am opinionated and love writing like a jerk (in addition to the fact that this is for a blog contest to win some serious monies), I shall critique like I’m the Simon Corwell of the fashion world.

So, do Singaporeans dress badly?

Well that’s going to depend on your standards of dressing. If you expect everyone to be as satorially versed as the residents of Paris or New York then only a handful can pass as ‘well-dressed’.

However if you define ‘well-dressed’ as somewhat aesthetically pleasing and not jarring to the senses, then my answer will have to depend on the location where you sample your “fashionistas” from.

Go somewhere trendy like Orchard Road and the like and yes, everyone’s dressed pretty decently.

I know because I like sitting around checking out chicks. Oh yeah, baby

In the heartlands, it’s shorts and flip-flops time. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – no one’s going to put on his Armani suit to pick up a can of soup at Sheng Siong for Christ’s sake.

But then again there are the God awful Crocs that for some time everyone seemed to wear.

I swear, Crocs are the product of a ‘Phua Chu Kang yellow boot’ manufacturer’s blunder. They accidentally perforate the boot with holes and slash off the section that covers the calf and ankles. Not knowing what to do with a bunch of reject boots, they call them Crocs and sell them.

The only real crocodiles in this case are the marketing folks who managed to turn dysfunctional boots into a fashion fad.

Given the threat of Crocs, I’d say flip flops are a much better choice any day at all. Especially if you want to be gay and buy them SGD30 flip flops from New Urban Male. I get mine from Bendeemer Market at SGD5.

What? I didn’t say I’m a fashionista. I’m just a dick.

Then again sometimes I see horrible horrible fashion blunders that make me want to rip my eyes out and shove them up my [PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED].

Have a gander at this:

OMFG what is that thing spilling out from the brim of her pants?!

It’s like a remake of that B-grade 60’s horror movie where some blob attacks and eats people. Only this is much much worse.

Fixed.

Now’s the part where I gotta write something about going out in my pyjamas.

No, I don’t wear pyjamas at all.

I just sleep in whatever shorts and t-shirts I’m wearing.

Or sometimes I don’t wear anything at all. Especially if it’s after I had 3 hours of vigorous sex and I’m too goddamned tired to put anything on.

Which would make the idea of stepping out to get canned tuna from Sheng Siong in my “pyjamas” a very bad idea.

Then again considering the rubbish I’ve pulled off before, few things are a “very bad idea”.

Anyway! Seeing as my “pyjamas” involves much nudity, let me show you exactly how I can look good in my PJ’s:

Yeah ladies, the ‘censored’ thing extends outwards for a good reason!