The Republic of Awesome

Over dinner back in Singapore, I sat around discussing with Kevin about the ‘Standout in Life’ contest. We realised we had to do something major. Something massive. Something… Spartan.

The conversation essentially went like this:

Kevin: “Hey have you heard about the Tiger Beer Standout in Life contest?”

He goes on to elucidate on the details.

Roger: “I don’t see why we shouldn’t join. We’re pretty much the ultimate in standing out.”

Kevin: “Yes!  But we need something extra awesome! I want to make this something that’ll standout above all others!”

Roger: “Hey remember that time I dressed up as a Spartan and ran around the hostel? Omg you still have the pictures right… don’t upload them on 4chan…”

Kevin: “YES! That’s a great idea! We can dress up as Spartans!! How about we make it more awesome than that…”

Roger: “How about we dress up as Spartans and run around somewhere public?”

I’m always coming with ideas faster than I can evaluate their possibly negative consequences. Oh well.

Kevin: “That’s exactly what we have to do!! When you going back? This Saturday can? I’ll call Chia Wei to photograph for us.”

Roger: “Set lah!! I’ll go get the stuff!”

Saturday came and went, thanks to much procrastination. Sunday rolls around and I decide it can’t wait much longer. I pick up the phone and call Kevin up.

Roger: “Eyh let’s do this man! I’ll by your place at say 4 then we’ll make it to 1Utama by dinner time. That’s when the most people will be there.”

Kevin: “What?? Don’t la weyh! What if I bump into someone who knows me?!”

I apparently couldn’t really care since my circle of friends stay a significant geographical distance from 1Utama. I bulldoze my way through and we agree to Spartan-ing at 6.

Yes I know. It’s a wonder I have any friends at all.

We have a final rendezvous at Chia Wei’s place. Kevin and I are on Spartan duty, Chia Wei’s the photographer, and Tysern’s there to be the anchor.

Yes anchor – every dangerous/socially unacceptable caper needs one. It’s the anchor’s job to keep hassling the others of the negative consequences of their actions.

Gathering our supplies in an abandoned trolley, we prepare for our trek to total embarrassment glory.

On the precipice of doing something likely to end in disaster, I seriously wonder how I made my friends go through with it. Oh right. Here’s how:

Roger: “Don’t pussy out on me man.”

Once again, I wonder how I have any friends at all.

A quick change in the bathroom, then out we went. No hesitation on our part.

One small step for a man, one giant motherf’ing Spartan flying kick for humanity!

We walk straight into a wall of stares. Whoever expects to get raided by ancient Greek warriors on a sleepy Sunday evening?

A little advertising for the competition’s sponsor, Tiger Beer, and we’re off.

The first place we hit up is a video store.

To do some movie promotion!

For our favourite movie of course!

We move off and I realise that we HAVE to do one thing as Spartans – the immortal cry of Leonidas announcing that ‘THIS IS SPARTA!’

Stalking the mall for victims, we leave the video store.

It looks like Domo-kun, no? Rawr, die fake Domo-kun!!

Finally, we reach the Information counter. Perfect for a ‘THIS IS SPARTA’ moment!

Can you believe we had to queue up? I swear, if there was a nearby bottomless pit everyone in front of us would have been kicked in.

Finally, we are served by a very intimidated looking clerk. Why would he not be?

Roger: “Tell me, where are we right now?”

Clerk: “Er.. um… 1Utama..?”

Roger: “WRONG! THIS IS SPARTA!!”

Thank you drama for teaching me how to project my voice. I had the entire mall staring at me thanks to my declaration of the mall being SPARTAAA!

We continued to terrorise the clerk:

Having accomplished the mandatory THIS IS SPARTA call, it’s time to take a break. With Tiger Beer of course.

More advertising time!

Is this advertising or what?

After the break, Tysern informs us that we should rendezvous with his brother at the bowling alley. The conversation is as follows:

Tysern: “My brother’s in the bowling alley. Perhaps you guys would like to change into normal clothes and go there?”

Roger: “Ah c’mon! We’ve already walked through half the old wing dressed like this! What’s a small section of the new wing?”

Kevin: “The bowling alley’s on the other side of the new wing! And there’s a high chance of me bumping into someone I know in the new wing!”

Roger: “Don’t pussy out on me, man.”

Once again, how I have any friends at all is truly a wonder.

Thus, we got on our war horses (sponsored by Osim) and rode off to cause more havoc!

Next time, we’re going as Wolverine.

Or as Spock. Live long and prosper!

Spartan warriors are actually pawns. We are but checker pieces, albeit ones that can kick your ass in 3 places while sipping a dry martini in style.

But what happens when Spartan checker pieces reach Burger King?

King me, baby!

I love this picture:

Of course, what’s being a Spartan without murdering a few people?

…or animals?

Then again, when we’re not killing things or destroying empires, Spartans form alliances and make friends!

And of course, we get the ladies.

They were giggling at us as girls watching half naked guys always do. And attempting to take our pictures with their phones.

Roger: “Hey if you want a picture of us, why not take it up close?”

Girl: “OMG he’s coming over!”

Roger: *sitting down next to girls* “How are you ladies?”

Naturally, all the havoc we were causing in the mall did not go unnoticed. Soon we were approached by the security manager. She wasn’t too happy at all. You can tell from her pixelated face below:

What do Spartans do when busted? We smile like assholes, and walk off undeterred to the bowling alley above! For that is where our quest and immortal journey ends!

Mega props to Chia Wei for being the photographer and Tysern for tagging along in our follies!

To see the rest of the photos, please visit Chia Wei’s Picasa!