The Republic of Awesome

An extra day to bum around in Singapura seemed like a good idea, considering all the bullshit I tend  to pull off when left to my own devices. Thus I decided to swap my Monday bus ticket for a Tuesday departure. I rang up First Coach and the conversation went as follows:

Roger: “Eyh. I’d like to change the departure date for my bus ticket.”

Dude: “Oh ok. Which day would you like to change it to?”

Roger: “Tuesday, the 23rd.”

Dude: “Alright lemme check…”

Dude: “Nope, sorry - all busses are fully booked.”

Roger: “So… all busses on the 23rd are fully booked?”

Dude: “Yeah.”

Roger: “Ok, nevermind.”

Blah, nothing out of the ordinary - or so it seemed. It’s 2 days before Christmas - likely a lot of folks are hopping over to Monkehland for some shopping or family time.

Then it hit me.

Firstly, Tuesday was a working day and not many folken are as free as moi to travel on a whim.

Secondly, didn’t that dude take a rather fucking short time to check ALL the vacancies available on Tuesday? Even Superman jacked on 3kg of caffeine could not possibly have scanned through the records that fast. This dude would have been the motherfucking Ussain Bolt of the retarded-record-checking-Olympics.

Thirdly, he sounded like a slacker. I know because I’m the slacker king. Entire slacker nations bow down to my awesome slacking skills. I am like the Jesus Christ of slackers. I walk on water with my slack.

I called First Coach again some time later. This time, I tried booking a ticket instead. A cheena sounding girl picked up:

Roger: “Eyh. I wanna book a ticket for Tuesday, the 23rd.”

Cheena: “December ah?”

Roger: “Yeah.”

Cheena: “Onlee morning and afternoon haf.”

Roger: (Son of a bitch slacker motherfucker!!) “I’ll take the morning one.”

Cheena: “Ok.”

Roger: “Actually I’ve already booked a ticket. Can I change my current one to the date I’ve just booked?”

Cheena: “Ehh, kien u speak Chinese??”

Roger: =______=

Yes I can. I can call you a KNNBCCB and describe in detail your mother’s genitalia. However I was in a polite mood.

Long story short, I was transferred over to an England capable staff and managed to change my ticket.

The moral of the story kiddies, is that there are asshats out there who’ll try to fuck with you. Don’t let them. Make like Burger King and Have It Your Way!