The Republic of Awesome

Damn I procrastinate way too much.

Apparently though, procrastination is not caused by genetics but rather by upbringing.

According to this article, procrastination is indirectly caused by authoritarian parents. The child never develops self regulatory abilities, as they are always being controlled by the parents. Thus, they never learn to fulfil their intentions by acting on them.

Alternatively, procrastination developed amongst such children as a form of rebellion against controlling parents. While they cannot disobey, but they sure as hell can put off what they’re told to do.

So there you go – next time you catch yourself in front of Facebook instead of doing your work, you can think back on daddy and mommy and freaking blame them.

Don’t you just love psychology?

~~

Alright so now for the $64,000 question:

How do you stop procrastinating??

I don’t know.

I believe if you do something for 21 days it’d stick as a habit and you’d do it the rest of your life.

Yes this is one of those posts where I pledge to do something in hopes that my crowd of readers will threaten to stone me to death if I don’t fulfil my promises.

Which means I’ll try to stop procrastinating for 21 days…

…

…that is starting tomorrow. Or the day after…

…or the day after that…

I made this one. No stealing!

An annoying thing about innit is that everyone is just so nang crazy that they’d spam the Chatbox hoping to make it into the top 10 box.

A pretty idiotic prospect, since getting to the top 10 through spam is like winning the Special Olympics – yes you’re a champ, but ultimately your blog is still retarded.

No offense so Special Olympics athletes. My heart goes out to them.

Thus transpired the events of this afternoon, which shall forever be known as the Dang Intervention.

It started innocently enough, with a warning to dang whoever spammed.

Nonetheless, it didn’t take long for shit to hit the fan.

Chats are read from bottom up.

Right after I issued my warning someone JUST had to test my mettle.

Unfortunately for that person, I’m a man of my word.

Danged!

But somehow, the just NEVER SEEM TO LEARN!

Pictured: People with learning disability.

Victims of learning disability

Truth to be told, I do read stuff on innit. However the problem is that 83% of the posts on innit are just pure unadulterated rubbish.

They are either:

• a) Boring
• b) Uninsightful
• c) Poorly written
• d) Plagiarised from other sites
• e) All of the above

My advice to you?

Consistently churn out quality, original works that you can proudly read over and over again. No, not on how your day went (unless this involves a lot of sex or violence), but on something people would find interesting and would love to read.

Pictured: Sex and violence

Personally, I read blogs that are funny or intelligent or both.

Funny as in I laugh my arse off between each paragraph. Intelligent in that it makes me think, without the author sounding like a pretentious fuckwad.

Google image result for ‘pretentious’.

Guest quote from AngelKein which just about sums it up:

“People think getting nangs will help improve their traffic, yes it does, but just a small pile of poo. You want get more visitors, write nicer posts that will attract people’s attention. And with clean simple layout and normal read-able fonts. Oh yeah. With read-able English also. How do you expect your traffic to increase if people can’t even read nor understand your posts.”

~~

Aside: Let’s make this an innit Chatbox policy! People who spam get 1 chance. The moment they spam again, BOOYAKASHA we DANG them! If you support this, spread this message to all and sundry!

Final aside: No insult meant for people who are actually retarded (as in mentally challenged like, for real) or with learning disabilities. Dyslexia is not as fun as TV make it out to be =(

Today’s newspaper ran an article about how a Japanese whaling ship rammed a speedboat manned by anti-whaling activists, chopping off the front section of the boat.

You can read about it here.

Somehow I have always been intrigued by the exploits of the Sea Shepherds. They sail where evil whaling ships go about killing whales and sabotage their operations. This is done by throwing stink bombs and tangling the whaling ships’ drive systems with ropes.

Hell yeah it sounds like something I’d do even without the noble bit of saving whales!

But seriously just stink bombs?

If I were to lead an environmental activist group which uses ‘extreme’ measures, I’d be a lot more extreme than that!

It’ll be called Al-Greena and we’d do shit like bomb factories spewing toxic chemicals, disable forest clearing machinery with thermite, throw petrol bombs at organisations that do dastardly things to the environment, and other generally destructive measures.

Oh and kidnapping delegates at environmental summits who do not support carbon-reducing protocols. Then we’ll put them in a sealed room and pipe in smoke from burning hydrocarbons before calling the cops and fleeing.

Finally an Al-Greena representative will appear in the media claiming responsibility for the attacks. Gaia-hu-akhbar, motherfuckers!

Anarchy and destruction with a cause that’ll get you laid. Goddamn, call me Tyler Durden and sign me righttt up!

I am so angry right now that I am just posting this filler post for if I posted what I really wanted to post I am certain I will regret it later.

A wise friend of mine once taught me through his actions that when angry to the point of homicidal tendencies, one should just pull himself away and cool off before doing anything he would regret later.

Unlike this fucking psycho who didn’t figure on cooling off. Get a grip, geez.

Well this is such a time. I swear if I wasn’t nicely intoxicated for the last 6 hours or so I would have destroyed property and lives on the scale of Hitler. That’s a scale a little below A major, but makes a good harmonious tune nonetheless.

What the fuck am I saying.

Ok so anyway yes – the only reason why I’m not in jail for Godzilla-level destruction is that I was too stoned to have done anything but hurt myself. Thanks, alcohol – I owe you one!

Alcohol – the lifesaver!

PS: No, alcohol doesn’t actually help. I’m sure you’ve read about plenty of drunken murderers. What really helps is calming the fuck down and realising that you are so much more effective when you’re not encumbered by strong emotions. Take a deep breath, stop being angry and be awesome instead.

Now you know, GI Joe, and knowing is half the battle!

PSS: I’m really not angry anymore. Because I take my own advice. Because I’m so awesome.

HA! In your face, people with anger problems! Go to your pathetic anger management classes and whine and complain about how your daddy used to hit your around like a little bitch!

Sometimes when you’re down and you think “aw, man this really sucks – but at least it can’t get any goddamn worse!”, life likes to come around and kick you in the testicles.

Why? Cos life comes along and thinks to itself, “hey this here fellow’s down for the count, I don’t suppose another kick to the bollocks should matter much – here goes!”

Which does kind of make sense – a kick to the bollocks while you’re happily running down the hallway certainly is more damaging. On the other hand it’s also more entertaining; I’m sure failblog.org has covered something like that before.

Kicks to the bollocks aside, I’m thinking that this year’s off to a bad start.

And no, it’s not because the New Year’s glasses make you look like a dumb dick.

Yes I know it worked well for the previous 9 years, but seriously…

Thus my 2010 goal: Produce the unreasonably large quantities of awesomeness required to solve the world awesome shortage problem.

Oh the poor poor people, who suffer from a lack of awesome. Studies have shown that a lack of awesomeness is the 83rd killer in the developing world.