The Republic of Awesome

So this morning I went for the NOC interview round two.

Also known as Super Hantam Interview Time (S.H.I.T).

Because, as the name implies, you will kena hantam nicely. The interviewers will find your weakest point and grill you about it until you crack and crawl out of the interview room like a puddle of expired vodka jell-o.

Unless you’re as awesome as me and you just outright refuse to.

You outright refuse to because you have suited up, and when suited up, you are so awesome nothing can possibly faze you. Not even the end of the freakin’ world because you’d just haul your ass on the meteor hurtling towards Earth and surf it like a cowabunga board.

Being suited up grants player +5 Invincibility.

No you turn around and talk about Steve Jobs. Even though you don’t own a single goddamn piece of Apple equipment. But that doesn’t matter because you’ve read Job’s biography like a dozen times.

Read it because you realise that there’s a lot of Steve Jobs in you. The early Steve Jobs that is, and the parts that made him a bit of a jerk. That tenacity, that unbridled need to have things your way, that fickleness and perfectionistic torture you put your employees through.

Maybe, just maybe, it means you have it in you somewhere to become an entrepreneur.

And maybe you will. Only to get your ass fired from the very company you founded because you are such a supermassive asshole.

I relate to the 30-years-ago version of this dude.

Maybe, But we will have to see.

If I managed to make the cut, I’m sending a Thank You note to Mr. Jobs.

It’s the least I can do for showing me that yes, the stubborn, tenacious, visionary of a man can ultimately make a dent in the universe.

One night out.

100% opened, hooked and connected.

Guess who’s back in the game?

For more elucidation; or maybe not - follow me on motherfucking twitter.

Yes I finally succumbed to peer pressure and got the motherfucking lamest blogging shit since Facebook statuses (which are awesome for bitching about people like … *ahem* you know who you are)

TWEETER

With the exams out of the way (said motherbitchin’ exams had as much ass rapin’ as a prison shower room), I’ve had all the goddamn time in the world!

Which I squandered on sleeping. … … NOT!

I spent my suddenly free time fixing up the two broken bicycles I found. The good news is they now work perfectly well, and I cycled with Joe this morning to Sheng Siong to get bike locks.

Sheng Siong – The solution to life, the universe and everything else.

The bad news is that the bicycles are about as useful as using an enema to cure cancer if you want to get around the university. This is as the arsehole who designed the place didn’t bother to level the hills.

Trust me, it’s a literal pain in the ass to ride up slopes. But the feeling of going down one at a speed that will likely kill you is priceless.

Speed is always good. Keanu Reeves’ acting on the other hand…

On another note, last night I did some superiorly awesome shit. This is shit so awesome I will not post any more details of it.

This is because certain Powers-That-Be (PTB) have a tendency to stalk their ‘employees’ online. I had a friend who got called up by the PTB because he was organizing a trip on a social networking site (you know which one). This was:

1. A trip with no fucking relation whatsoever with the PTB, save that a few of their ‘employees’ were tagging along.
2. A trip that does not involve a) hookers or b) drugs or c) anything illegal to the best of my knowledge.
3. A trip for all purposes and intents, was a innocent sojourn with good friends to a far off place to do nothing else but relax and have a good time.

Thus I will say no more. The awesome shit I did while under the purview of my previous PTB though, I have posted some already and will post more.

I’ll just leave you with a singular picture:

Say it with me: I WILL NOT OBEY!

I just worked for the last 4 hours or so. Without a break.

Before you start applauding at my amazing feat (amazing because even working for 5 minutes seems a pretty good achievement these days), please note that I was not working on school work.

At all.

I think it would take the threat of Ultraman kicking my ass in his glorious rubber suit to make me do proper work. Or the threat of torture and deadlines work too.

Mmm torture.

But no it wasn’t school work.

I was repairing two disused bicycles left in the hall bicycle shed.

This involved liberating the bicycles from a rusted lock system (mostly by breaking the rusted locks) then some minor repair shit like replacing the seat or resetting the chain on the sprockets.

As I have repaired them, they’re MINE. That is as long as the previous owners don’t come back to claim their rusty pieces of crap.

Great fun – I’m more alive when I’m repairing or building or creating things that I totally don’t have to. This is also known as procrastinating.

That is all.

Oh except that I still have fun during classes doing total rubbish:

Click to full view.

Where would you go when you’re out and require an internet connection?

A coffee house of course!

And why not one that sounds… bad ass?

That’s right! I bummed at Bad Ass Coffee at Tropicana City. Probably the only place in Malaysia with the word ‘ass’ in its name.

I got up to the counter, ordered a coffee drink and promptly asked:

“Hey does this place have a bad ass wireless connection?”

The manager/barista smiled like he doesn’t seem to get tired of ‘bad ass’ jokes and replied an affirmative. Respect – if I worked at Bad Ass Coffee I’d probably smash the next customer who makes a lame ‘bad ass’ related quip after I’ve heard 4,579,998 of them. Gah.

Speaking of quips, Bad Ass Coffee also sells humourous T-shirts:

Gotta love the card-counting.

Enough about Bad Ass Coffee. Any more and I’d expect some bad ass advertising revenue from them…

Finishing my work, I walked out into the main lobby to find…

A car parked in the middle of the shopping mall.

However, as I was on a roll saying dumbass things, I walked right up to the car saleswoman.

Roger: “Hey can I take the car for a test drive?”

Sales: “You can test drive cars at our showroom at…”

Roger: “No I mean here.”

Sales: “What..?”

Roger: “Yeah. I need to know whether the car can manoeuvre in tight spaces at high speeds, like in this here mall.”

I don’t think she was very amused.