The Republic of Awesome

Looks like Apple is releasing a touch pad PC. Think a iPhone but enlarged and capable of doing more notebook-esque stuff.

I foresee a massive tidal wave of jizz from Apple fanboys around the planet instantaneously having a product release of their own.

Jobs – making people jizz their pants since 1975.

Here’s what may be the real deal, or a faked video:

My question though: How is one going to type long word documents on the thing?

Via the on-screen touchpad?

Or are the bourgeois Apple users too cool for proletariat work like that?

I think it’ll be pretty awesome to play with a tablet like that, but probably rubbish to do work with it. And I mean REAL work as you don’t just fiddle around with a few photos or videos.

As is always the case with Mac vs PC…

Oh and here’s a MadTV take on the whole thing:

An annoying thing about innit is that everyone is just so nang crazy that they’d spam the Chatbox hoping to make it into the top 10 box.

A pretty idiotic prospect, since getting to the top 10 through spam is like winning the Special Olympics – yes you’re a champ, but ultimately your blog is still retarded.

No offense so Special Olympics athletes. My heart goes out to them.

Thus transpired the events of this afternoon, which shall forever be known as the Dang Intervention.

It started innocently enough, with a warning to dang whoever spammed.

Nonetheless, it didn’t take long for shit to hit the fan.

Chats are read from bottom up.

Right after I issued my warning someone JUST had to test my mettle.

Unfortunately for that person, I’m a man of my word.

Danged!

But somehow, the just NEVER SEEM TO LEARN!

Pictured: People with learning disability.

Victims of learning disability

Truth to be told, I do read stuff on innit. However the problem is that 83% of the posts on innit are just pure unadulterated rubbish.

They are either:

• a) Boring
• b) Uninsightful
• c) Poorly written
• d) Plagiarised from other sites
• e) All of the above

My advice to you?

Consistently churn out quality, original works that you can proudly read over and over again. No, not on how your day went (unless this involves a lot of sex or violence), but on something people would find interesting and would love to read.

Pictured: Sex and violence

Personally, I read blogs that are funny or intelligent or both.

Funny as in I laugh my arse off between each paragraph. Intelligent in that it makes me think, without the author sounding like a pretentious fuckwad.

Google image result for ‘pretentious’.

Guest quote from AngelKein which just about sums it up:

“People think getting nangs will help improve their traffic, yes it does, but just a small pile of poo. You want get more visitors, write nicer posts that will attract people’s attention. And with clean simple layout and normal read-able fonts. Oh yeah. With read-able English also. How do you expect your traffic to increase if people can’t even read nor understand your posts.”

~~

Aside: Let’s make this an innit Chatbox policy! People who spam get 1 chance. The moment they spam again, BOOYAKASHA we DANG them! If you support this, spread this message to all and sundry!

Final aside: No insult meant for people who are actually retarded (as in mentally challenged like, for real) or with learning disabilities. Dyslexia is not as fun as TV make it out to be =(

Today’s newspaper ran an article about how a Japanese whaling ship rammed a speedboat manned by anti-whaling activists, chopping off the front section of the boat.

You can read about it here.

Somehow I have always been intrigued by the exploits of the Sea Shepherds. They sail where evil whaling ships go about killing whales and sabotage their operations. This is done by throwing stink bombs and tangling the whaling ships’ drive systems with ropes.

Hell yeah it sounds like something I’d do even without the noble bit of saving whales!

But seriously just stink bombs?

If I were to lead an environmental activist group which uses ‘extreme’ measures, I’d be a lot more extreme than that!

It’ll be called Al-Greena and we’d do shit like bomb factories spewing toxic chemicals, disable forest clearing machinery with thermite, throw petrol bombs at organisations that do dastardly things to the environment, and other generally destructive measures.

Oh and kidnapping delegates at environmental summits who do not support carbon-reducing protocols. Then we’ll put them in a sealed room and pipe in smoke from burning hydrocarbons before calling the cops and fleeing.

Finally an Al-Greena representative will appear in the media claiming responsibility for the attacks. Gaia-hu-akhbar, motherfuckers!

Anarchy and destruction with a cause that’ll get you laid. Goddamn, call me Tyler Durden and sign me righttt up!

I love the Google search suggestions. They reveal much about what people are searching for.

In Malaysia, people are concerned about…

…the Jews being smarter than them. Mm mm Anti-Semitism goodness.

Another interesting thing Malaysians searched for is ‘why English is important’. Understandable considering the deplorable state of the Queen’s language in Malaysia. (Case in point: ‘why the jews so smart’ is grammatically incorrect, yet it is a prominent search string)

I got an idea for you. Learn proper English you dingbat! It’s not called the ‘international language of knowledge’ for nothing. Then you’d be way smarter than the Jews for sure.

Over in Singapore, the topic du jour is…

…smelly Indians. Fucking racists. I think we Chinese people are probably the most racist in the world. If Chinese characters had Roman alphabets they’d start the KKK or some shit.

Speaking of racism, a search on ‘chinese racists’ brought to my attention the plight of Lou Jing. Miss Lou is a girl in China born of a Chinese mother… who had an extra-marital affair with a black man.

It seems Chinese people have an inherent dislike for people of darker skin than them (or a massive fear of 8 inch Nigger dong), for netizens in China basically blasted the poor girl when she appeared on a TV show.

Here’s the girl in question:

I dunno about you, but damnnn - she’s fine!

Dumbass racists, it doesn’t matter what skin colour a person is. A hot chick is a hot chick, even if she’s got blue skin. (Question: Would you bang Mystique of the X-Men?)

Internationally, people searched about…

…smelly vaginas apparently.

It’s called vaginitis and you can get over the counter treatment at your friendly local pharmacy.

Aside from that, popular search topics were why men have nipples, why their poop is green (ew – too much veggies?), and why did I get married too (I assume they are referring to the movie due in 2010).

So what can you learn from all this?

People in Malaysia are anti-Semitic, people in Singapore are racists, and people around the world have smelly vaginas!

I don’t think there’s a word to describe the feeling when you’re alone on a spacecraft, billions of miles from the planet that you know so well, and everything just feels so hopeless and lost.

I thought it was ‘asthenia’, but it’s just a title for a Blink-182 song about such a situation. (Asthenia actually refers to the medical symptom of physical weakness)

We need a term for it. Well not yet, but we should have one anyway just in case. How about ‘caelum depressus’? Space depression? Emo-in-space Syndrome?

From Saturn, Earth is but a dot. That’s right, you’re insignificant.

While we’re on the topic of psychological conditions and Blink-182 songs, there is a condition called the Stockholm Syndrome.

This is a condition where victims who are taken hostage or abducted develop an attachment to their abductors, so much so to the extent that they will aid their abductors, or refuse to escape captivity even when assisted.

Surely it makes no sense to have such a response, siding with your captors instead of freeing yourself. Tell me how that’s unlike inviting trouble to your home, giving him a full hearty dinner, and letting him shag your wife and children.

However, evolutionarily it makes sense. This is as the practice of abducting women of other tribes for the purpose of child bearing is as old as humanity itself.

(Interesting factorial tidbit: It is theorized that the burqa worn by women in Arabian countries served in ancient times to hide that they were nubile child-bearing females. This is so that when your desert tribe gets raided by another, the raiders would make off with some old ladies with sagging tits and hopefully die of severe blue balls.)

That’s right. Under them burqas are sagging tits.

You see, when Grog the caveman abducted chicks in 10,000 B.C, he didn’t have much patience with chicks who didn’t put out. The Women’s Rights Movement wasn’t too big back then, so Grog took them clubbing instead.

Except with less music. And more heavy wooden objects.

Thus, the cavewomen who resisted their abductors all died out with no offspring, while the cavewomen who submitted produced offspring who all inherited the trait of submitting when abducted. Time played its course and soon we all evolved to have the Stockholm Syndrome psychological response.

Considering evolutionary factors require pretty substantive conditions to work, it means we humans have been doing a lot of abducting and raping over the eons.

Don’t you just love our species?