The Republic of Awesome

With the exams out of the way (said motherbitchin’ exams had as much ass rapin’ as a prison shower room), I’ve had all the goddamn time in the world!

Which I squandered on sleeping. … … NOT!

I spent my suddenly free time fixing up the two broken bicycles I found. The good news is they now work perfectly well, and I cycled with Joe this morning to Sheng Siong to get bike locks.

Sheng Siong – The solution to life, the universe and everything else.

The bad news is that the bicycles are about as useful as using an enema to cure cancer if you want to get around the university. This is as the arsehole who designed the place didn’t bother to level the hills.

Trust me, it’s a literal pain in the ass to ride up slopes. But the feeling of going down one at a speed that will likely kill you is priceless.

Speed is always good. Keanu Reeves’ acting on the other hand…

On another note, last night I did some superiorly awesome shit. This is shit so awesome I will not post any more details of it.

This is because certain Powers-That-Be (PTB) have a tendency to stalk their ‘employees’ online. I had a friend who got called up by the PTB because he was organizing a trip on a social networking site (you know which one). This was:

1. A trip with no fucking relation whatsoever with the PTB, save that a few of their ‘employees’ were tagging along.
2. A trip that does not involve a) hookers or b) drugs or c) anything illegal to the best of my knowledge.
3. A trip for all purposes and intents, was a innocent sojourn with good friends to a far off place to do nothing else but relax and have a good time.

Thus I will say no more. The awesome shit I did while under the purview of my previous PTB though, I have posted some already and will post more.

I’ll just leave you with a singular picture:

Say it with me: I WILL NOT OBEY!

I’m writing from my brother’s EEE PC. I have to say I absolutely hate typing on it.

Perhaps it is the fact that I prefer to use the right SHIFT button, which on the EEE is a tiny button the size of Kate Moss’ right breast.

Or that I have a habit of resting my palms on the touch pad area, which doesn’t deactivate when the mouse is plugged in.

Or that my ginormous hands keep hitting the wrong keys on the miniscule keyboard, which is so small it must have been built by a secret society of hobbits bent on world domination but needing a keyboard to type out their nefarious plans.

Blah it doesn’t matter because my laptop’s finally back from the repair shop tomorrow, along with all my draft posts, work documents, useful applications and the such. You really don’t realise how much you need something until it is gone.

Anyway, since I’m in a ranty mood, what the heck is up with the Facebook quizzes?

The only people who’d do such rubbish are the completely bored or the purely asinine.

And when I say bored, I mean the kind of boredom where you’d want to take a pair of pliers and rip out your fingernails just to feel something other than the ever-present ennui.

Seriously, who the heck believes that a random 3-7 quiz questions written by a similarly bored Facebook user can have any bearing whatsoever into revealing even a smidgen of your personality?

If you do, then you have as much personality as a wooden board. There’s really nothing else I can say except ‘please nail yourself to the floor so you can be at least as useful as aforementioned board’.

Yet my Facebook front page is chock full of quiz results telling me my friend should date a guy named ‘Scotty’ or that black is their colour or they ought to wash their underwear more often.

Geez. If I could find a way to sell boredom or inane retardedness as a commodity, I’d be raking it in.

…but since I was asked via MSN specifically then ok.

1. What’s your ambition?
To be happily unemployed. Seriously. A job is not necessarily the best way to make a living.

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
My dog. What kind of question is this? It’s one of those dumbass ones like ‘does this dress make me look fat?’. There’s just no way to win.

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
I wonder what it’s like to jump off tall buildings whenever I’m high up and looking down. However, it’s more for the thrill than the lethal effects.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
In bed? Hell yeah.

5. How many babies you want?
Negative as many as I make. I’m all for abortion.

6. Favorite perfume/fragrance?
Moonflower. But Bodyshop don’t have it no more.

7. What do you think will be your greatest downfall?
The ungodly size of my testicles. I’m going to get myself killed one day. Oh and my arrogance, but that’s pretty obvious.

8. Do you believe in eternal love?
Definitely maybe.

9. What’s a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to you?
Exactly like my girlfriend

10. What are your bad habits?
I procrastinate so much I sometimes put off procrastinating to procrastinate.

11. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hate you?
Hate is so much better than apathy. If a person hates you it means that you’re meaningful to them, albeit in a negative manner.

Thus I’ll tell them, “thank you, I’m glad I’m so significant to you.”

12. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Yes, I religiously check my Facebook every 24 seconds to admire the number of friends collected. Gotta catch em’ all!

13. What do you hate most in others?
Why hate? Let the Palestinians and the Israelis and the Pakistanis and the Indians and the …(message truncated)…and the Americans do all the hating.

14. What do you crave for the most currently?
Sex.

15. What features/quirks do you find totally sexy on a guy/girl?
Tits!! Or GTFO!!

16. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
Samantha has severe ADD like totally man.

17.What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?
HAHA ‘done to yourself’ LOL. This question presupposes use of drugs or wanking or self-cutting by its wording.

Ignoring the wording, music lifts my mood.

18. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
Hornier.

19. Whats your guilty pleasure? (something you usually wouldn’t admit out loud)
Sex.

20. I tag:

Kevin

Shean Meh Meh Sheeps

Evil Sifu

Whoever else who actually bothers with such trite.