The Republic of Awesome

Hey guys! I am back to blogging, after a 3 month hiatus!

If you’re curious why I stopped, it’s simply because I had lost sight of what the Republic of Awesome is for.

Add to that I started to have a pretty low impression of this whole blogging thing. Too goddamn attention-seeking and narcissistic for my taste.

“OOOH LOOK AT ME I’M SO FUCKEN PRETTY!”

Oh and did I mention I’m quite turned off by the desperate attempts people make at getting traffic? Please guys, don’t post in my chatbox useless crap like “blogwalk lolz”. Walk somewhere else. Like into an oncoming bus.

If you want visitors, at least attempt to add some goddamn value. Contribute your thoughts on what the writer has said; or written language too complex for you?

Anyway, enough of that.

I realise now that the Republic of Awesome exists to make the world better in its own small way. If you’ve ever chuckled like an idiot while reading my articles, then by George, mission fuckin’ accomplished!

“BY GEORGE!”

So stock up on emergency supplies, lock away your teenaged daughters, take your vitamins, and buy extra toilet paper: for I am back and you better damned well be prepared!

Internet marketers slave at search engine optimisation (SEO). They hope that through their efforts, their site will rank favourably on a search engine.

They increase backlinks to their site, they pepper their articles with desirable keywords, make sure headers and titles correspond to aforementioned keywords, etc etc.

Finally, they succeed and get a top-10 ranked site on Google. Or perhaps they don’t.

But I wonder, has anyone successfully optimised their site… accidentally?

Please click to view  full-size.

What the fuck la. Google has me ranked #5 for a search on ‘beastiality youtube’.

I’m only ranked below some random Youtube videos and an actual beastiality site (I think - didn’t bother checking… intercourse with animals is not my thing -___-).

Pornographers from all across the intarwebs will be seeking me out. I’m like, the guru of animal porn internet marketing. They’ll beg me to optimise their sites for them too so Google will rank them highly whenever anyone types some porn-related search string.

Ok wait. I think they already do!

Which explains all the pornographic spam comments I’ve been getting.

RAWRGH. THIS IS NOT A PORN BLOG YO! FUCK OFF LA YOU MORONIC SPAM BOTS!

If you haven’t already noticed, I disabled comments on the Republic.

Why?

Because a majority of comments are spam trying to lure visitors to an adult site, or sell some acai diet, or help me elongate my penis.

I don’t need any of that except for the porn since I’m pretty damn slim and my cock’s of a respectable size kthnxbai.

Comments will probably be re-enabled once I install a comment captcha widget. Gotta catch em’ all, bitches!

Anyway, comment spam is an interesting though unethical tactic to drive traffic to your blog/site/porn. It is usually generated using a program that seeks out blog sites on the web to spam.

By spamming sites with comments you generate two things:

1. Direct traffic to your site. The curious will click on your URL and pop by your site
2. Backlinks. By leaving your URL on other sites you create valuable backlinks which will boost your site’s ranking on search engines

Good for your site, a minor nuissance to the webmasters of sites you spam.

So stop spammimg me, motherfuckers!

…on the interwebs. Seriously.

I checked the stats for this site and here are my top search phrases:

Essentially, people stumble upon my blog while searching for pornography involving human-animal intercourse. Whatdahell.

The guilty post in question: Beastiality on Youtube