The Republic of Awesome

I love the new feature in the Facebook notes that allow you to post your blog posts on Facebook. Makes it easier for a lazy dude like me who doesn’t use RSS.
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As I was browsing through Facebook, I came across a post on Nigel “Flyguy’s” blog regarding the Miss World Malaysia website.

Now if you haven’t been living under a goddamn rock, you’d probably have seen Miss Singapore World Ris Low expounding on the benefits of ‘studying steel’,‘leopard preence’ and ‘booms’.

“BOOMS!”

If you haven’t, peel that rock off your crushed body just awhile to click this link.

So I’m thinking if Singapore can produce such lulz worthy material, Malaysia conunfirm also BOLEHH right??

Eh, show a little fucking patriotism la.

So it’s off to the Miss Malaysia World website, only to be greeted by…

…why hello there. I didn’t realise I clicked on a BDSM porn link!

Nonetheless, all is good whenever porn is involved!

Thus, like every other red-blooded guy out there who has watched/will watch/is watching humans copulating on the internet, I clicked on the goddamn image.

A page pops up, with some random nonsense:

Show the world that you can make men be your plaything.
That you can toy with them.
Then, send it out, and show the world just how powerful you are.

Yada yada yada. Female domination porn probably. Porn video descriptions are about as accurate as Stormtroopers shooting at Han Solo.

“You’ve been a naughty boy, haven’t you?”

I glanced down at the video previews – it’s just some dude standing around. Uh oh.

Curiosity always murders the cat however, and this case was no exception.

I clicked on the videos…

…

…much to my horror.

The videos consisted of a rather unattractive Ah Beng posing obscenely. To add a little more jazz to the whole thing, the videos are interactive.

By interactive I mean you get to click on the video and the cheena-looking guy takes his fucking shirt off.

It’s about as much fun as having your teeth pulled out one by one.

So, surely there’s got to be a point to this?

Certainly there’s at least some insightful message behind all the ass slapping and meowing?

Perhaps it’s all just a big joke? A major internet prank?

Goddamnit, Rickroll me already!

Wrong.

The site is likely dead serious.

Dead serious that poking some cheena dude in a flash application will somehow make women feel empowered.

Dead serious that some people might actually get a power trip making Ah Beng take off his shirt. And subsequently share the site with all their friends just to demonstrate how ‘powerful’ they are.

Dead serious that making men your plaything is an awesome and empowering thing to do. Okay maybe it is, at least in the context of BDSM, but I’ve come to realise that the site contains no porn whatsover.

I would probably feel insulted if the whole thing was a deliberately orchestrated femi-Nazi empowerment propaganda program.

However I highly doubt something so intelligent transpired.

A likelier scenario is that the Miss Malaysia World organizers did a cock job of trying to tie in the theme of ‘Beauty is Power. Use with Caution.’ They went straight for the asinine interpretation that power involves getting some poor sod to do whatever the fuck you want.

Ris Low, you have met your match.

Just caught The Ugly Truth with a friend earlier this evening.

Fairly typical romantic comedy. But it’s got the genre to blame for that.

Come on, every single romantic comedy has plotline that can be summed up as follows:

1. Guy meets girl.
2. Guy and girl are as similar as Martin Luther King and the Ku Klux Klan.
3. Therefore, guy and girl hate each others’ guts, liver, kidneys and other internal organs.
4. However, they are forced to work/live/cooperate together.
5. Plenty of awkward situations thrown at the duo to fulfil comedy quota.
6. Finally, guy and girl realise their hate is really sexual tension and probably love.
7. Something gets in the way of their romance.
8. Obstacles are resolved in the last 15 minutes of the movie.
9. They finally make out/fuck in some romantic location and live happily ever after.
10. The end.

Hollywood “romcom” writers print out the above list and pray to it 5 times a day.

Then for the lead they’ll probably hire Matthew McConaughey or Hugh Grant or Ben Stiller (for the most slapstick ones, ugh).

Funny though their choice of Gerard Butler. I’m guessing the producers liked his performance in PS I Love You.

Yes I watch way too many romcoms and chick flicks. I’ll go sit in a corner and grow a vagina.

Anyway, The Ugly Truth was pretty fucking hilarious.

There’s even a part where Mike Chadway (Butler) gets a TV talk show called “Monday Madness with Mike Chadway”.

At this point I expected Gerard Butler to go:

Unfortunately, he didn’t kick the TV producer down a gaping hole.

Personally, I have a rather strong preference to seeing Mr Butler murder his fellow human beings with sharp sticks or assault rifles.

He’s got the Leonidas face, and that doesn’t work exceedingly well in a romance film, unless it involves him kicking the shit out of a small nation’s army to get to his woman.

An action romance film. That’ll sell.

Oh yeah back to the movie. Go watch it if you want some fun entertainment. That is all.

Where would you go when you’re out and require an internet connection?

A coffee house of course!

And why not one that sounds… bad ass?

That’s right! I bummed at Bad Ass Coffee at Tropicana City. Probably the only place in Malaysia with the word ‘ass’ in its name.

I got up to the counter, ordered a coffee drink and promptly asked:

“Hey does this place have a bad ass wireless connection?”

The manager/barista smiled like he doesn’t seem to get tired of ‘bad ass’ jokes and replied an affirmative. Respect – if I worked at Bad Ass Coffee I’d probably smash the next customer who makes a lame ‘bad ass’ related quip after I’ve heard 4,579,998 of them. Gah.

Speaking of quips, Bad Ass Coffee also sells humourous T-shirts:

Gotta love the card-counting.

Enough about Bad Ass Coffee. Any more and I’d expect some bad ass advertising revenue from them…

Finishing my work, I walked out into the main lobby to find…

A car parked in the middle of the shopping mall.

However, as I was on a roll saying dumbass things, I walked right up to the car saleswoman.

Roger: “Hey can I take the car for a test drive?”

Sales: “You can test drive cars at our showroom at…”

Roger: “No I mean here.”

Sales: “What..?”

Roger: “Yeah. I need to know whether the car can manoeuvre in tight spaces at high speeds, like in this here mall.”

I don’t think she was very amused.

Quicknote: For the next week I will be increasing my post frequency! That means one post per two days. Stay tuned! And disturb me if I’m not  posting once per two days =)

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I wanna take a ride on a discostick hot air balloon!

If you’re in a freely drifting hot air balloon, it is perfectly calm and peaceful in the balloon’s basket. This is as your balloon is moving with the wind and thus you feel almost no wind at all.

Imagine - just serenity and the infinitely blue sky around you!

On the other hand, if you’re worried about polluting the atmosphere by burning propane to lift a hot air balloon up, or if hot air balloons are wayyy out of your budget, there is such a thing as solar balloons.

Solar balloons are simply dark coloured vessels of air. The sun heats the air in the dark coloured balloons, producing the same effect as a hot air balloon without requiring fuel to be burnt.

Watch the video below for a handy instructable on making one using just garbage bags:

Damn I want to build one now. Who’s with me?

Getting a job is such a bad idea if you want to enjoy long-term financial abundance. The odds of success on that path are so low, it’s not even worth considering.

Seriously, you are better off being broke and homeless, so you can focus on creating and delivering value from that place. You’re much worse off if you have to waste day after day showing up to work for someone else. That won’t move you closer to financial abundance. It will only distract you further.

If I had to choose between being homeless and getting a full-time job, I’d go the homeless route. Having a job would be 10x worse. As a homeless person, I could stay hungry and focused on creating and delivering value. I might not have the means to produce much value at first, but at least I could get out there in front of people and deliver something. It would be a good start on the right path.

A job is just a monstrous distraction. In many ways it’s a modernized form of slavery.

Homelessness is a huge upgrade from traditional employment. Have you ever talked to a homeless person? Some of them find the idea of having a job insulting — it represents a loss of freedom. Sure you smell better and can get a nicer place to live, but you lose your humanity in the process. Perhaps such people realize something you don’t.

Employment is the ultimate form of destitution.

- Steve Pavlina, quoted from this article -

I read Steve Pavlina all the time.

And I still wonder why my parents worry about my future.

However, it’s way too late. The damage has been done.

I’m never getting a job.

Ever.