The Republic of Awesome

I haven’t posted anything in 3 weeks aye? I bet you’ve read my old curdled posts to death, so I’ll oblige and update! Here’s a little quiz for yall, my loyal readers:

Question: Why did I not update for 3 weeks?

a) Ahliens attacked and I spent 3 weeks fighting them off
b) A top secret government mental institution hired me to kill some terrorists
c) I was in a coma following a major accident
d) I went on a vacation
e) I’m so fucking lazy it takes full willpower just to breathe

Answer in the comments and you stand a chance to win Absolutely Nothing™!!

Yes, that’s right folks! You can win the product that nobody’s been raving about! It is proven to be 500% more effective at not doing anything than any other product on the market!*

*studies performed by Cocksford University, 1999 – Absolutely Nothing™ was compared to a melon, a rotting potato and a homeless man

Anyway moving on. While I was browsing through a random toy store I came across the most awesome doll ever:

Guess why I find it intriguing…

Is it the religious headscarf?

Yeah..?

No of course not, you racist dumbfucks. That’s no more interesting than a doll wearing a leather bondage suit and brandishing a whip.

Heh, BDSM dolls.

What’s intriguing about the doll is its name, as printed on the packaging:

It is called…

Fulah. As in … F U lah. As in… you get it.

Avast, ye’ landlubbers! A matey o’ mine informed me that te’ olde Facebook be available in te’ tougue o’ swashbucklers!

T’switch ye Facebook from te’ tongue o’ landlubbers t’that o’ me mighty pirate mateys, go t’ ye settings adjustment in ye Facebook and be setting ye language to English (Pirate).

You are a pirate!