The Republic of Awesome

Time for a fun little social experiment!

I opened up random people on my MSN contact list with a very honest description of myself:

«roger» magnifique says:
hi there
i’m a dick

Out of a subject pool of 22, I have the following responses:

?(????•?)? Yuou  ?(?????)? says:
wat?
«roger» magnifique says:
i’m running a social experiment
seeing how people would react to my frank honesty
?(????•?)? Yuou  ?(?????)? says:
….

lianne says:
i agree

those tiny fragments of perfection says:
who’s this hijacking roger’s laptop?

claire brigid says:
hahahah i know u are! LOL
«roger» magnifique says:
HAHAHHA
awesome response
claire brigid says:
hahaha it’s awesome cause IT’S TRUE! hurhur

Sue says:
??

RJ says:
?
why suddenly?
siao la u

jaz wants to be an eskimo tonight says:
i figured
hi there im a pair of boobs
«roger» magnifique says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHA
ok best response yet!!
jaz wants to be an eskimo tonight says:
yay

I AM LOOKING FOR A HOLIDAY JOB!!!!!! says:
uh huh
what did you do?

sam therese chong says:
…
«roger» magnifique says:
that’s the worst response i got today

Divy says:
hmm
ok roger
why r u calling urslef tht
unless thts not u

| ping | braindead says:
hey did u know ur msn is sending out spam msges or isit jst u doing it =P
«roger» magnifique says:
no silly i’m doing a random survey

sue mae says:
haha hi dick!
hahaha
what’s up

[b] Memento Mori says:
uh
huh
why?

???????????????? says:
lol!
you rock

Shawn - Just because that’s the way things are doesn’t mean that’s the way things should be. says:
yay!

MUSE:
lol brb shower k!

Irenaeus (why am i still in school FFS arrrrr) says:
yes you are
why

{vis-a-vis}                                               [Eugene the gor gor is the bestest of the best! Yay!] says:
….

?wxy       [?.A.C.E.R.S.?]                     flower girl says:
?

- claire.            erase all memories of you. says:
k
good

Kevin Chan says:
what lah

Lord Darwin Lim Tee Wee says:
wat?

~~~

Out of 22 respondees,

4 agreed to the fact that I’m a dick

3 were enthusiastically supportive

2 asked ‘why’ to my dickiness

6 expressed confusion (in the form of ‘?’ or ‘huh’ or its variants)

3 thought my msn got hacked/computer is used by someone else

2 were ‘…’

1 responded with something completely unrelated

1 replied that she’s a pair of boobs LOL

~~~

In conclusion, only 18% of my friends think I’m a dick. Which means that I’ve done a good job of NOT being a dick. Keep up the good work y’all!

Old man’s bottle mishap leads to his death

Wahliao weyh. This one I really not talking cock…

A 77 year old man died after he tried masturbating with a soft drinks bottle.

When he got to the hospital, the doctors managed to cut the bottle off. However, the skin around his penis was damaged by the ordeal and he was unable  to urinate. He later developed other complications which lead to his death.

ROFL!

First of all, how did he even fit his dick into the bottle?!

Not that I’ve actually tried, but the opening of your standard Coke bottle is way, way, way too small for any guy who is endowed with a normal sized package to fit into.

Ok wait nevermind. A quick Google search returned some rather… unsettling images…

DEFINITELY NSFW. DO NOT CLICK UNLESS YOU’RE COOL WITH MATURE CONTENT.

Am done. Imma dunk my head in a toilet for awhile to clear the images from my head.

As promised in my previous post, I’m going to prove that astrology is complete bullshit.

To aid in this endeavor, I included a Western-astrology-based personality test. It should be “accurate” as the test is copied off a respectable internet horoscope site.

All you have to do is enter your birth date and make an honest appraisal whether the result accurately describes your personality or if it is simply a pile of steaming cow dung.

I challenge you.

Horoscope Astrology Personality Test

Click ‘Read the rest of this entry’ when you’re done.

Read the rest of this entry »

I think astrology is a load of fresh steaming bullshit. Seriously, how can a bunch of gas and rocks floating around in space have anything to do with my life?

Aside from the tidal effect or the occasional meteorite, stuff in space has little influence on people. You can’t even feel the effects of say, Jupiter’s gravitational field even if you were extremely obese and weighed as much as an overflowing garbage truck.

This has nothing to do with my life.

Astrology has its roots in ancient times when folks needed a means of understanding the universe and people around them. This was of course before people realised that the world isn’t flat and Freud blamed your parents for all your personality faults.

Nonetheless, we now live in a time where science has revealed stars and planets to be nothing more than gas, rocks and dust held together by gravity. Several astronauts plonked their arses down on the moon and proved that it is a lifeless chunk of rock and dust. The goddamn Berlin wall came down and women are entitled to equal rights in the work place.

The modern era, motherfuckers.

Yet there are still plenty of people who have the asinine notion that astrology has a direct impact on one’s personality.

That’s tantamount to believing that 1/12th of the entire human population (a whopping 558 million people) are doomed to be certified dickheads just because they had the misfortune to be born within a certain timeframe.

“Yeah, you’re Aries so you’re bound to be extreme, arrogant, intemperate, violent, headstrong, and impulsive.” (I’m not making this shit up - it’s from Wikipedia)

Is it just me or is that uncomfortably close to saying things like, “You’re black so you steal shit all the time,” or, “Hey chink, I know you’re a stingy pencil-dicked wanker”?

Gross baseless generalizations always make you look like a moron. Period.

Sauce: http://www.truthdig.com

Anyway, as I am a certified raging dickhead regardless of my zodiac sign I’m going to prove once and for all that astrology is complete bullshit.

However I’m going to make you wait for it. So stay tuned for tomorrow’s post. It’ll be an interesting one.

Edit: The next post is up! Proof that astrology is bullshit.

Maria Amazingly Awesome Gimik came back for a few days to bum around with Kevin and me.

Maria Amazingly Awesome Gimik.

If you didn’t already know by her amazingly awesome name, Maria is one of the most awesomest people I know. She’s so awesome grammatical rules governing superlatives do not apply. Compare anything to her and she will make that thing appear as un-awesome as having wet toilet paper shoved down your pants.

Her job description includes busting people up for being idiotic, fat, stupid, annoying, weird and generally un-awesome. Oh and being completely egotistical because she maintains that she is the world’s no 1 supplier of Awesome.

(factually incorrect - Awesome is the main export of the Republic of Awesome and we produce around 23% of the world annual output)

Maria came down with Kim, a bloke so funny he’d make a Tibetan monk who’s taken an oath of silence burst into rapturous laughter. Said monk would subsequently quit the monastery, move to the US and perform stand up comedy under the stage name ‘Dave Chappelle’.

An example:

Kevin: *coming back from the men’s*

Roger: “Where’s Gimik?”

Kevin: “She’ll take awhile. There’s a long line at the ladies’.”

Kim: “How’d you get to the front???”

OK Gimik! I’ve written a tribute post for you. Now you can call off the rabid attack dogs armed with with assault rifles…