The Republic of Awesome

Bunch of stuff I drew for lulz. I’ve posted them before elsewhere so I thought I’d be environmentally friendly and recycle them:

(Click for fullsize)

Leonidas goes to a mamak stall:

…on the interwebs. Seriously.

I checked the stats for this site and here are my top search phrases:

Essentially, people stumble upon my blog while searching for pornography involving human-animal intercourse. Whatdahell.

The guilty post in question: Beastiality on Youtube

“Chinese guys I tell you… so emo!”, the missus remarks, for the 1,231,493rd time. She is trying to insinuate my emoness. I know. I can sense it by the contrived way she phrased her sentence.

“Aren’t you glad I’m north Indian then?” I reply cheekily, with an emphasis on ‘north’. Heh.

Generally, I dismiss her stereotype of Chinese guys as a function of her preference for dudes of other races.

Granted, Chinese music videos tend to contain plenty of emoness with dudes walking through the rain crying while carrying their dead or dying girlfriend. Or the guy will be playing some piano recitation while the girlfriend dies of leukemia at a nearby hospital. Or some other combination which you can fish out of your run-of-the-mill emo drama.

However, surely there can be no truth in the typecasting of Chinese guys as emo?

Then one fine day I happened to be within one meter of the mostest emo momo-est Chinese dude the world has ever known…

The SMRT 106 is the finest bus route designed by anyone living or dead. Its sheer convenience makes falling off a log look like an arduous task that requires strong mental concentration and plenty of constipation. Furthermore, 106 busses tend to be the segmented busses and thus seating is rarely a problem. Which is great, until Mr Emo Momo and his girlfriend sat in the seats behind me.

He almost immediately begins the festivities.

BF: “Why are you like this to me?”

GF: “…”

BF: “After a long hard day, do you think I deserve this?”

GF: “…”

BF: “You don’t even understand how I feel do you?”

Now allow me to point out that all his dialogue is of expressed in the most whiny. emo. boy. voice. ever. To get an idea of what he sounded like, think of a spoilt 9 year old kid whining that he did not get a Nintendo Wii on Christmas day.

BF: “Why when I wanted to take your hand you took it away?”

GF: “Don’t la…”

BF: “If you don’t want me anymore just tell me.” *sniffles*

GF: “…”

Yes, he was sniffling. This loser was actually breaking into tears on a packed public bus while harassing his girlfriend for ignoring him.

This shit was too rich; it had to be shared! I discreetly start messaging Maria, who’d appreciate the mean-spirited humour of laughing at failures. Below are messages from my archives:

Roger: HAHA OMG. I’m on the bus and sitting behind me is some guy emoing his gf cos she tak layan him or something. Emoing. In. The. Most. Annoying. Whiny. Emo. Boy. Voice. Now I think he cryin or something but I don’t dare look. His woman be disrespectin him alright! HAHAH

Maria: Hahaha! He got any good lines? Did I tell you the other day I heard the same thing. But from a guy who was late to meet his gf.

Roger: Yeah them lines win awards in USA. When the CIA wants to torture terrorists they use them.  Lol he emo her why?

Maria: Cos he was late. And first he tried to be smart and go ‘wow you’re so early’. And she fumed even more. Haha. And she goes ‘if I didn’t get angry you’d be even later’ and lastly she went ‘you can go out with yourself!’. But I took the train instead of waiting for the exciting sequel to that.

Roger: My Emoing ‘Ho Part II. Only in theaters this fall.

Maria: Haha. That’s actually a good business idea! We should make it into a mockumentary. Step aside micheal moore, borat, that guy from supersized me.

Roger: Whiny Boyz: A Study of Fine Whine, followed by the hit comedy, My ‘Ho be Disrespectin Me

At this point I was strugling to suppress a chuckle. Which resulted in the deadly Laugh-Loop cycle.

You see, supressing a laugh leaves your mental resources free to do evil. And evil it does, as it plays out in your mind the consequences of belting  out a hearty laugh.

Concordantly, I see a clear vision of myself turning around and delivering my most potent MEGA-KILL level mocking laugh at the poor sap. Subsequently, he curls into a fetal position on the bus’ floor and shrinks into nothing.

This of course makes me want to laugh even more. Which makes me try harder to suppress the laugh. Which makes me think of the consequences even more. Ad infinitum.

I was about to let forth a Hallelujah-Praise-the-Lord level boisterous laugh when the bus thankfully got to my stop.

(On second thought, it would have been more fun to have laughed out loud at the turd. I did after all complete a minor in Asshology.)

The moral of the story is, don’t be a whiny ass emo boy. Especially in public. Such behaviour will only make you as repulsive as Jabba the Hut’s unwashed boxers.

Happy new year everyone!

Despite only having 2 hours of sleep after a night of drinking, I woke up extra motivated today. A new year brings new hope, booyah!

Actually that makes no logical sense at all.

After all, the new year is simply an arbitrary point in the Earth’s orbit around the Sun. Mr Gregory didn’t even bother to at least line up the start of the new year with the seasons or something practical like that. Even starting the Gregorian calender with Christmas or Easter would have made sense. January the 1st is really a date that’s in the middle of nowhere important or significant.

Or perhaps there is a reason for this illogicality. An order to this chaos. A Harold to this Kumar. A sanity to this madness. (Madness? This is Sparta!)

This means it’s…

Alright, according to this, January 1st is the start of the year because it was when the consuls stepped into office in the Roman Republic (508BC~27BC), marking the start of the consular year. This is of course arbitrary and the Romans started their year on 1st May and 15th March prior to settling on January 1st. Put in perspective, it’s like starting the year when Obama takes office (January 20th by the way).

Then, in 49BC, after watching the 300 movie, Julius Caesar decided he wanted to look as cool as Leonidas and started some massive ass kicking. Following aforementioned ass kicking, he siezed Rome and thus earned the name ‘Caesar’ which means ‘to sieze her (Rome)’.

Ok no, he was born Caesar. I made that shit up.

Anyway, dismayed that he didn’t have huge bottomless pits to kick people into, Caesar decided he’d demonstrate Leonidas-like awesomeness by revamping the Roman calender instead. Therefore he came up with the Julian calender (the predecessor of the Gregorian) in 45BC.

Thusly, he decreed: “Caesar sayeth ‘fuck you’ over much confusion that is the year-start. Ergo, fixeth at 1st January it will be.”

“I’m cool, damn it!”

Nonetheless, as we all know the Roman Empire eventually fell. Later on during the Middle Ages, Western countries did actually start their year on Christian holidays like Christmas and Easter.

Finally, Pope Gregory XIII decreed that his calender was more awesome and less likely to screw up the timing of the equinox (Easter is timed according to the spring equinox). Concordantly, we have the more accurate Gregorian calender which is used in most modern societies today.

And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.